I’ve been a very, very bad blogger. Yesterday was full of Monday stuff, and last night we celebrated my mom’s birthday. My niece came over, she’s darling. As you can see, I updated the website, though. The pictures page has some interesting things, as well as a few new tidbits on bio. As if you wanted to know. So, let me know what you think of it. Always room for constructive critisicsm.
I guess you know it’s a good time if two days fly by and you don’t even see them happen.
Went to John Mayer on Friday night, I loved it, totally rocked, gonna have to have a CD cause I’m addicted. He moved like Kevin when he played, except it was guitar, not bongos…anyway, I thought that was an interesting observation because maybe only really great muscicians move that way and that maybe that means that Kevin’s headed for the big time. Cool, huh?
So after John Mayer, I headed over to downtown Varsity with Drew and his friends Greg and Holly. Greg and Holly both rock. They’re not from here, so there are plenty of accents to make fun of. And then again, even if they were from here, we’d probably make fun of each other anyway. So we trudged through two plates of nachos and headed home.
Saturday I saw Master and Commander with Russell Crowe. (I mean, I didn’t see it with Russell Crowe, I watched Russell Crowe in it. Duh.) Awesome movie. A few slow parts, but that’s when you had to appreciate the historical accuracy and the plot building between the characters. There were some definitely cool characters. As if Russell Crows couldn’t be cool even if he tried. The fight scenes were particularly amazing. The ships were amazing. I want a frigate! So, four outta five stars for M & C…I dug it. By the way, no women in the whole movie. No love line, no kissing, no sumin sumin. And it still rocked. That’s some pretty good movie there.
Had some great Chicago style pizza from Sophabellas, then off to babysit, and fell asleep on the rug in front of the fireplace. So cozy. Now I’m off to the noon service at church. Hopefully they’ll play some good music. Probably will. Always do. And then I have to teach an etiquette class on stationery (!) and then I’m going to see Blue Man Group tonight. Oh, and have to meet the cursed Phil–I’m crossing my fingers that there won’t be a whole lot to tell tomorrow.
At the moment, I love how small this city is. I love that it’s a community without being a gossip rampage (if you know how to stay out of it). I love that I discover new things about it and it’s people every day. And, for the most part, I love every single little tiny person in it, because somehow, around me, the web of people I call my world is separated by very few degrees and they all know me from their own angle. And it’s nice to be known, even if it takes every person in this town to understand me.
It seems like (in Oklahoma especially), everyone has to be on that search for “the one”. We’re not whole, complete, unless we’re married with 2.5 kids. I used to think this way. I had to go to college, meet a guy, date only him and get married. A rather disturbing break-up proved that even though this was the path my parents chose, it wasn’t for everyone. Overnight, I was hurled into a world of having to find a job instead of a husband, a career instead of a relationship. Not exactly what I had planned on. I floundered for a few months. I couldn’t deal with the fact that we were actually apart. I called way too many times, asked way too many questions, when I should have just walked away and realized life would go on. In my mind, there was no way that actually could have happened–and I was struggling to understand why. I’m sure I backed him into a few corners. Not fair of me at all. We’re all entitled to our feelings and it was my responsibility to accept the fact that he didn’t feel the same towards me anymore. My email last night from another ex, plus Ashly’s and Kevin’s comments, started conjuring up these thoughts in me. I felt like I was in a corner.
Telling your ex stuff like “I miss you” could be considered a form of manipulation, no matter how sincere. It’s not really fair to either party. Sometimes feelings are best when shoved under rugs, especially when they aren’t reciprocated. I think there is a point in every relationship where you have to lay it on the table. If the second party involved comes back and lays the same cards, you’ve struck a deal. If they don’t, you have to walk away.
We all come to have to come to “walk away” points in life. It’s a law of human nature that we all want what we can’t have. Most of us fall in love with the chase as much as we do the person. The lure of the unattainable can drive us crazy. We tell ourselves he’s amazing, that she’s the only one like that, that there could never be another. Love isn’t blind, infatuation is. If we aren’t honest with ourselves, ultimately, we end up backing ourselves into the same corners we don’t want to be stuck in.
At the end of my college relationship, I realized that even though it was hard to get over the rejection, the not being wanted, it was even harder to realize and accept the fact that I was ok without him. I had put myself in a corner (and tried to put him in one, too) that left us no options other than each other. I’m so glad I didn’t get what I wanted, though, or I’d be miserable today.
I think the biggest problem with relationships today isn’t the lack of communication, the in-laws, money or sex. I think the biggest problem with relationships is the lies we tell ourselves. We don’t see ourselves for who we really are, flaws and all. We see ourselves as people who have to have someone attached at the hip in order to be considered “normal”. We have to know ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses in order to be completely accepting of someone else. We have to realize that life does not hinge on relationships, and can in fact, actually be more entertaining with out them (the mushy kind, anyway). We are all entitled to emotions–to miss people we love, to love people we like, to be angry or mad, or frustrated, or passionate or loopy or head over heels. I admire David’s forthrightness in expressing that emotion to me–do I reciprocate it? No. Would he miss me still if he knew who he was? My point is, probably not.
What a week, people. Yesterday I made an offer on a house–we’ll see what happens. Nothing set in stone yet. But we’re asking for a closing date of November 21, so there may be some Christmas parties in store for everyone. Keep your fingers crossed.
That took up my entire day yesterday. When Drew and I finally sat down to dinner late last night, I could barely talk I was so overwhelmed. So much stuff has been going on! To top that off, I couldn’t sleep, and got up and checked my email just now and there was one of those heartbreaking “I miss you” notes from an ex. Talk about not wanting to hear that.
When it’s over, it’s over, and we’ve all gotta deal. That’s life. And yes, you are allowed to feed me my own medicine it opportunity (heaven forbid) ever arises.
But exes will eventually leave me alone, housing situations will one day change. I’m not in love yet and the house doesn’t have a fireplace. Right now I’m just thankful that the week looks like it’s ending better than it started.
And I’m tired so I’m going back to bed.
It was cold this morning when I woke up at 5:37. Everything outside was still, muffled, and I could almost feel the frost on the windows just walking by them.
I wanted to put on my Frank Sinatra’s Christmas and wrap up in a warm blanket and sit by the fire sipping cinammon flavored hot chocolate (never had any, but it sounds good). In an hour, we’re going to look at a house for the second time. It’s charming and I think I might be in love with it. I’m learning that the funny thing about shopping for houses is that you think you find something you love and for one reason or another some talking-out-of-it happens and you end up looking at more. After a long conversation with my parents this morning, I’m more hesitant than I was last night. We’ll see how it goes. There is a darling fireplace, and at the moment, curling up in front of it is the only thing I want
to do. If I make an offer on this house today, it’s going to be because, baby, it’s cold outside.
Things I’m thankful for: (to be edited througout the day)
1. Pink cable knit hooded cashmere sweater. You know you want one.
2. The yummy lasagna I made last night. Garlic is good for you.
3. My darling office. I LOVE zebra print carpet!
4. Vision. Potential. Dreams.
5. Lucy (in the sky with diamonds).
6. Totally incredible people in my life (Ash, Kevin, Ragan, Drew, Kelly, the Erins, the ‘rents…I could go on)
7. That I’m wearing shorts and it’s November.
8. That it’s no longer 80 degrees outside and I actually got to wear wool today!
9. That Oklahoma has the best barbeque in the nation.
10. The Eighties (I know, weird…)
11. A boy I adore.
My friend Deanna is pregnant with her first child. They just bought a house in Edmond, a Lexus SUV, and are head over heels for each other. She looked at me the other day and told me it was almost all too good to be true, and that if she blinked she was afraid the fairy tale would vanish.
Ragan has a point. Sometimes stuff is just too good to be true. (I’m just tying the point into life, instead of hangover pills.) Pollyanna, I mean, Kevin has a point. Things could be worse. (And I do have a heck of alot to be thankful for, I’m just going to wait until tomorrow to blog it.) Ashly has a point. Chances are, things will get worse before they get better. (But hopefully I’ve already hit that low.) I think my point is that there will be days that suck and today is one of them.
…and there are Weekends. For my avid followers everywhere, let me say that this one qualified as a Weekend. All those involved, uninvolved and observing from the skirts of normalcy will have stories to tell for years to come.
It started Friday night, with Hurricane Jane opening for Boland. Love Hurricane Jane. They are some super talented, extra nice, cute people that I love to see play. Love Boland, too, but I think he needs some new stuff. I’m ready for the next wave.
Apparently I missed out on the evening’s later festivities. I think it’s a little shady for all those involved, but hopefully there will be photographic evidence to document all the debauchery. Evidently, Ash decided to override my Groupie Veto and put a separate clause in the WDAS consitution stating that where green sharpies are involved, there shall be groupies.
Note to self: never leave home without camera.
Saturday I was headed for the game by 10. The game sucked, needless to say, but I had some great sandwiches and some fabulous company. My cousin Marshall came out and drank/rolled/smoked us all into the ground. Rock on, Marshall. I love my cousin. The rest of the evening was quiet. I would have loved to see No Justice, but when ya get started as early as 10 in the morning, the night’s bound to end sooner.
And speaking of Sooners, they put me in a really bad mood and made me not want to see much of their arrogant arses parading around wherever. Today I’m going to go to church and then going hang out and get bored watching football. Over and out.
Hi, I'm Whitney. I am first and foremost a child of God, a mum to two rambunctious little boys, and lucky enough to call the most amazing man I know my husband. By day, I run a stationery company, and consult at the intersection of tech and graphic design. At night, I dream of charming cottages by the sea, silk ballgowns, and a perfectly organized office. Photo credit: Amanda Watson
