I got a fax from my Dallas showroom a week ago stating that samples had to be in
Dallas by December 31, or else. There was still a week till Christmas at the
time, and I had to get all my last minute gifts together, so I shoved the
deadline to the back of my mind. As Christmas came and went, with all it’s
turmoil the world over, I dawdled each day at pulling out the boards and
starting to mount samples. Finally, yesterday afternoon, after a leisurely lunch
of canneloni and caesar salad, I got to work. Caffinated, I worked until 5 this
morning. After a few hours sleep, I got up and started working again. Now it’s
almost 5 here, and I’m still in my pajamas. The good news is, I called the
showroom, and they’re closed tomorrow, so I have all weekend to finish the
boards, or two more days to procrastinate some more, whichever way you want to
look at it. Don’t tell me (I already know), that if I started on the boards a
few months earlier instead of watching so much CSI, they’d be done by now.

I went to bed last night and the death toll from the tsunamis in Asia was
58,000. I woke up this morning and it’s 67,000. I think God wants us to remember
he’s in charge. Updates: 77,000 12:01 pm

It’s been an emotionally draining Christmas. My Gran has been in failing health
for some time, but she had a particularly nasty day on Christmas Eve, and still
tried to tough through the day for us. You could see the pain on her face. My
cousin stormed out because he didn’t “feel included”, his little sister had her
first asthma attack and had to be rushed to the emergency room, and their mother
was dissolved in tears. Gran started opening the dining room cabinets and
breaking up her china collections and having us pick what we wanted. By the end
of the night my sister and I were both leaning on her wheel chair, crying, which
is not what a dying grandmother wants to see, I’m sure. Christmas at my parents
the next day was a little less of an ordeal, but an ordeal none the less. There
were more tears because some of our family is in Thailand, more tears because we
sat and read little kids books out loud and for some reason, those make you cry
too. And then more tears because I selfishly snapped at one of my favorite aunts
for reasons which she would not understand. And we finally settled down watched
movies and ate Large Jello, my contribution to the Christmas Dinner, and then
laughed about how crazy we were. And I made a hard decision yesterday, one I’m
still not certain was the right decision to make, one of those decisions you
don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself for and one you certainly
don’t want to regret. Everyone still has not left; I think they depart sometime
today. I came home yesterday and tried to throw myself into my work, but nothing
clicked so I went to the Flight of the Phoneix with my family and then came home
and watched Princess Diaries 2. And cried a little bit more. I think it’s safe
to say the worst is over and from here on out it’s, “Chin up girl”. Life goes
on.

The other day I had lunch with a good friend of mine, Marsha, who I don’t get to
see very often. Over bowls of chicken cilantro lime soup and halves of spicy
chicken salad sandwiches, we talked about life. My little house, my crazy
business; her kids, who are my age, and her travels. She spends months out of
the year in New York and Paris. Each year they travel many places they’ve never
been to before; this year Spain is going to be the big one. Anyone who knows me
well knows that I’m not a big traveler. I don’t like big cities and throngs of
people and crowds. I don’t see any necessary reason to step foot in a store,
considering that online shopping is now so varied. To quote Meg Ryan in “French
Kiss”, I prefer to travel in the way nature intended–in a car. With four wheels
on the ground. Seriously, before I step foot on a plane again I’m getting an
anxiety prescription from my doctor. Unfortunately, it seems that traveling is
fast becoming an essential and necessary part of my chosen career path. In
January alone I will be going to two major cities, possibly five. On a plane.
Ugh. Somehow, sitting with Marsha at lunch the other day, listening to her talk
about the hotels, the restaurants, the open air market in Paris, Sotheby’s in
New York, I started to think that I could enjoy this traveling thing. To be able
to see these worlds through her eyes–a non-crowd, non-shopper as well–seemed
to bring me comfort. We talked about going to New York for a weekend sometime
soon, just to get me acquainted with the city so I can be more relaxed when I
have to go in May for work. And her daughter is spending the semester in Paris,
and I might just fly over there and spend some time exploring the city by
myself. They’ve always said Paris in the springtime, no?

I need a t-shirt that reads that. Last minute Christmas necessities keep popping
into my head; people I need to gift, gifts I need to wrap, foods that I’m
supposed to “bring” to Christmas. If anyone knows of a good (easy) Christmas
side dish, please help. It cannot be stuffing, potatoes or green beans, and
cannot have white stuff in it (mayonaise or sour cream), since that stuff makes
me ill. I’m supposed to start my own tradition this year by bringing a signature
dish. So, it would probably be cool if it was pink, too. OK, I’m off to make
luggage tags and wrap gifts and try to remember everything I’ve forgotten.

I stayed up til 3:00 am last night, doing thumbnail sketches of all the designs
I want to intro for January. I’m finding myself at a doodling roadblock,
however. I know the layouts, but I’m not sure how to get there. If I sketch in
pencil, outline in pen, wash in watercolor it’s harder to control the color on
the press and normally I have to go back to Photoshop after I get a 4-color
proof. I also get very tired of scanning stuff, and despite all the color
correcting in the world, ending up with two different pinks on two different
invitations that are supposed to be in the same collection. I haven’t discovered
a safe way to consistency yet. I guess that’s what I’m looking for–consistency.
I’m tired of experimenting, I’m craving a “method”. I want a step by step
process for developing this every year, instead of feeling like I do now, like
I’m facing the most daunting task in the world. Then again, maybe getting it
done just has everything to do with “Just do it” instead of me sitting here
whining about what I don’t know. Argh. Frustration.

Just got home from my annual Christmas-sit for one of the first families I ever
started nannying for. She handed me a gift on my way out the door. Being the
eager little booger I am, I opened it the second I got home. Authentic red
leather kate spade purse, straight from Neiman’s. ‘Nuff said.

I just got my Martha Stewart Weddings in the mail, opened it where I stood, and
didn’t put it down until I had flipped through ever page and torn out a few I
loved. In fact, from the moment I opened it until I had finished, (didn’t go sit
down, I remind you; stood and read it right there) Amanda had time to run to the
UPS store and come back. If there is one thing about Weddings, it is that it
seems that the older I get, the more detailed, the more exquisite that magazine
seems to get. The lace is more detailed, the ribbon is more double-sided-satiny,
the flowers are more original, the cakes are more elegant, the paired-down
simplicity is more graceful, the ballgowns are fuller. And heaven only knows, if
there is one thing I love more than pink, it’s ballgowns. I’m not anywhere ready
to be married in my life. Maybe part of the reason is that the weddings just
keep getting more beautiful.

Today has been a me-day. Drew and I skipped church, and went to some friends’
house for brunch: mimosas and yummy waffles with strawberries and brandy butter.
This afternoon I’ve been snoozing with the back door open; Sophie has been
running in and out, dragging inumerable quantity of random socks and trying to
bury them under a fir tree. Runaway Jury was just on Cinemax; it ended up being
a very good flick, the kind you want to watch twice. In a few minutes, I’m going
to my parents house to eat breakfast-for-dinner with my sister and her husband
and kids. I dropped off the last of the custom project for the year yesterday,
which means I’ve landed on the one week each year I can actually relax, full
time, and focus my creative energies on things I want to do instead of things I
have to do. I’ve still got to tackle those stockings; I’m going to do some
luggage tags for some kiddos I know, which will mean coming up with princess and
pirate illustrations, and if those work out, I might turn them into some
notecard sets as well. I can’t believe Christmas is right around the corner. As
soon as it’s over, I’ll do one more push of product for January, cross my
fingers, hold my breath, and hope everything goes ok next year. For now, I’m
just enjoying the beautiful weather and pressure-less freedom of having
everything on my to-do list done.