The middle of the night is so peaceful. My mind is at rest, my body is calm, and the quiet, stillness around me is comforting. I got up and jumped on the internet, of course, and made my normal round of stops: blogs, email, flickr, myspace, delicious, but instead of jumping from there to work and business, as normally happens, I found a few interesting links to other blogs, and spent the morning chuckling at people’s kids and the funny things they do.
Some people are so carefree. I am not one of those people. I am all business, almost all the time. I view this world as if I have a job to do, and when that job gets done, there will be another job, and then another. Sometimes this is discouraging, sometimes it is motivating, but it always carries with it the sense of needing to pay my dues, be grateful for what I’ve been given, earn my keep and act responsibly.
Today, though, in the blackness that is time between night and dawn, it was nice to laugh and enjoy a few other perspective before I rush on, in all my Republican-ness, to finishing my day and week.

I’m sitting here, surfing my obsessions, and the email keeps dinging letting me know faxes are coming in. That’s good.
I’m a little embarassed about the current state of the blog, haven’t had time to mess with the CSS templates, and am therefore uncertain about advertising that I’m blogging again. In addition to the lack of personality on this denim-blue page, I’m also a little ambivalent as to what, exactly, this blog will be about, because I know no one is interested in reading my random thoughts forever. It is also safe to say that I’m ambivalent about blogging again. Period.
My mom and I were talking the other day about the seasons of life. I realized early on in life, that if I wanted to, I could constantly yearn for yesterday, always telling myself that it was better than the moment I was in, or, I could savor every second of the moment I was in. I decided I was going to be a moment-savor-er. Ever since then, when I find myself entering a moment of discontent, I remind myself to look around my life, and find God’s hand in it, and celebrate His goodness. It makes a moment so glorious when you recognize God in it.
I feel like I’ve already seen several seasons of life. Childhood, quickly becoming a faded memory, has taken on new revelations as I’ve grown older. High school, in all it’s pubescent horrors, is a stone best left unturned at this time. College was splendid, romantic, indulgent, lavish, despite a lack of actual romance and funds. Post college, first job was much of that continued; a beautiful time full of beautiful, good people.
I look at the season I’m in right now and I start to wonder. Everyone else around me is “growing up”, getting married, having children. Even I’m doing grown-up things, like buy houses and run a business. And that part of me that knows it could be discontented if it wanted to starts to whisper little things in my ear about how good it was back then. How liberating, carefree. How grown-up carries with it so much responsibility, and responsibility, UGH.
The sensible side snaps me back into shape quickly. I have much to be thankful for. Much, much, oh so much to praise my Savior for. To whom much is given, much is required.
And then a very tiny voice from somewhere I’m not familiar with says, “You need to question the MUCH part of that.” It’s like it’s challenging me to think about these aquisitions, these worldly goods that the Joneses insist make me acceptable in the eyes of their clones.
And then I want to give it back. I am so undeserving of such abundant grace, blessing, recognition. I don’t want it, not at the price at which it has come, taking away the richness of a simpler life.

I’m learning that to really become excellent, one must learn to ignore the critics. People who aren’t excellent will always find something to nit pick, out of sheer jealousy.

I’ve been baffled, for awhile, at some circumstances surrounding my job. I could sense alot of distrust, but I was having a hard time putting my finger on why. Little by little, though, over the past couple of months, things have started to come to light. I’ve removed myself from the situation I’m talking about, but it has hung over my head, a lead anvil in my heart, for many a night.
For so many months, I wanted to ask why. I wanted to find out why people were acting so funny towards me, and I could never put my finger on it. I feel so completely LIED to. I want to scream out and say something, but I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I want to yell and point fingers and say, no really! You think it was me? It was actually her all along? She was the one badmouthing you, and then turning around and saying I said it! It was her fault!!!
Now I know that my senses told me correctly: there were people talking who were not to be trusted. Someone was acting with great deceit, the worst kind. Having put all the pieces of the puzzle together, I am tempted to blow their cover.
The question is, now that I know who is gossiping, and I strongly suspect I know why they are gossiping, do I let others know of the danger? Or do I keep my mouth shut, and just let it slide?

If I counted all the good things that happen each day, I bet I would come up with a lot of good things by the end of the day. AND, I bet my outlook on life in general would improve. In fact, I would bet money that a study could prove I would live longer than someone who didn’t count the happy things each day.
Life is what you make of it.